Amity Police Budget Skyrockets as Chief Brody Demands Increasingly Bigger Boats

Brody hopes increased police presence will deter future killer sharks

AMITY ISLAND, N.Y. — A small beach community is facing a budget crisis after the local chief of police used public funds to buy a series of larger and larger boats, newly surfaced records reveal.

“We don’t really know what’s down there, beneath the waves,” said Chief Brody, defending his budgetary decisions. “We need to be prepared for whatever may come. Did you know that some scientists think the Megalodon could still be alive down in the deepest parts of the ocean? No one knows how big these things get. Sixty feet, eighty feet, one hundred feet — they don’t know. I don’t want to get caught out in a tiny dinghy when a hundred foot shark decides it’s feeding time.”

Leonard Hendricks, a former Amity Island police deputy, expressed personal concern for Brody.

“The spending report wasn’t really a surprise to me,” said Leonard, who worked with Brady for several years before being laid off. “I thought he might get over his fear of water after killing that shark, but it was just the beginning. He kept thinking new, bigger sharks would show up, which is an insane notion. The only way he said he could feel safe is if he had a big enough boat, but that was the problem: no boat was ever big enough. He just spent and spent. Soon, there was no money left to pay me. He said he was genuinely sorry to let me go, but he felt that buying more boats was the only way to keep Amity safe.”

Despite the public nature of the revelation, Mayor Larry Vaughn refuted claims of government corruption.

“We’re looking into the supposed malfeasance and will be clearing up any confusion within twenty-four hours,” said Mayor Larry Vaughn. “Apparently, there was some miscommunication regarding funds allocated for watercraft, but there’s no cause for concern. Visitors are assured that our roads and bridges will be in excellent condition when they arrive for their summer vacations. Similarly, they can be certain that all of their rental properties will have electricity and running water, as the money that was earmarked for utilities was definitely not used to purchase a decommissioned Civil War ironclad.”

At press time, Brody was seen arriving at a second-hand tonnage auction held by Carnival Cruise Line.