Editorial: I Asked GamemasterAnthony to Plan My Birthday and It Was a Disaster

I should have never asked those guys to bring it in

It’s my birthday today, and I’m 35. That could mean a lot of things: that I can run for president, that I’m aging out of an important marketing demographic, or that I’m old enough for my baseline anxiety to qualify as a mid-life crisis. All I wanted was to forget all of those things, if only for a few hours.

Normally, I try to make my birthday a low-key affair. It’s just not a very big deal to me. I might informally meet up with friends at some point around the actual date, but I don’t arrange a huge party for myself. My wife does that for me.

Usually, she tries to plan some big surprise that either gets spoiled beforehand or I end up being too tired to properly enjoy. I wanted to spare her the effort this year, so I looked into hiring a party planner to manage the event in her place. I’m a pretty big nerd, and everywhere I looked, GamemasterAnthony came highly recommended. His own birthday parties are the things of legend, so I thought he would be a good choice for my own celebration. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

First of all, when he says every character from every game, comic, cartoon, movie, and book, he’s not exaggerating. Sure, you might imagine yourself chatting with Sonic the Hedgehog — who was there, by the way, and took full advantage of the open bar — but you’ll spend a lot more of your time wading through the countless side characters from his various adventures in multiple universes. They all seemed to think that this party was for them, not me.

Unless you’re a huge comic book fan, I would advise you to not check that box on the booking application. Predictably, the heroes and villains will immediately start to fight, but that wasn’t the biggest issue. The worst part of my party was having to square off with an endless line of edgy anti-heroes from indie imprints that ran briefly in the 80s and 90s. If I so much as grazed them on my way across the dance floor, they would aggressively confront me, asking if I knew who they were. Luckily, they immediately backed down when I earnestly explained that I did not, but still, it was embarrassing for everyone involved.

Finally, it was a pretty big letdown that I didn’t get to see my friends and family very much on my birthday. Not only were they lost in the sea of nearly infinite fictional characters, they simply didn’t care to seek me out. Why would they? They were rubbing shoulders with people like Aragorn, Han Solo, and Ellen Ripley. As host, I was obliged to mingle, so I didn’t really get to spend time with anyone. I think I would have been happier with a smaller party and a Cameo from the guy who played Zordon.

As a plus, the catering was fantastic. The characters provided cake, snackage, drinks, and meal items.