Jabba Rages After Han Solo Receives Disappointing PSA Grade
Hutt claims Solo has never been game-used
TATOOINE — Crime kingpin Jabba the Hutt threw a tantrum after his carbonite-encased prisoner Han Solo received a mediocre grade from collectibles ranking authority PSA, Twi’lek sources confirmed.
“This is an outrage! Solo is in mint condition!” roared the Hutt, accidentally knocking a Gamorrean guard into a dangerously-placed Rancor pit in his rage. “They said the lights on the control panel were ‘weathered,’ but I literally got it shipped directly from the manufacturer. I used a well-respected courier service. It’s not weathering; it’s an intended effect! They also claimed that the subject himself had been somehow damaged, as he was supposed to be bound in handcuffs, but that clearly must have happened on Bespin! If anything, that makes it a rare misprint and it should be worth even more.”
Lando Calrissian, administrator of the mining facility where Solo was preserved in carbonite, denied blame for any and all of Jabba’s complaints.
“Hey, man, I can’t speak for what PSA is looking for, but I think we did pretty darn well considering that Han survived the process,” said Calrissian, who was dressed identically to Solo’s frozen form. “I’m into cards, sure, but not those kinds of cards, if you know what I mean. I’ll sit down to play a game of Sabacc, maybe even Pazaak, but I’ve seen those carbonite tournaments. They’re just not really my scene. Kind of nerdy. Sure, there’s plenty of folks wearing capes, but they don’t pull it off like I do.”
Boushh, a local carbonite enthusiast and bounty hunter, said they are still willing to make a deal for Solo.
“I am currently in possession of a near-mint Wookiee,” said Boushh, who wore a conspicuous voice-modulating helmet. “Given their relatively low population — particularly since Kashyyyk’s occupation — I think it’s more than a fair trade for a grade 4 smuggler. It’s definitely a better offer than a couple of droids, like the deal Lu— I mean, like the deal that mysterious Jedi tried to make. Besides, Jabba will have to accept my terms, because I’m holding a thermal detonator.”
At press time, reports from Jabba’s palace indicated that an attempt to rescue Solo was foiled by the protective plastic sleeve surrounding his carbonite slab.