Johto Supreme Court Rules That Eggs Are Pokémon
Decision rules that PC Box outage was mass murder
GOLDENROD CITY — Johto’s highest court released a decision ruling that Pokémon eggs are to be legally classified as Pokémon themselves.
“Eggs take up spots in your party,” read the decision, written by Lance, the court’s Supreme Justice as well as Johto’s former champion. “They can be traded. They can be stored in a PC box. If I ask you, ‘What kind of Pokémon is in that egg?’ you can tell me. If it were ‘just’ an egg, how could you possibly know that? The destruction of an egg is murder, whether the perpetrator intentionally smashes it or if it just fell off of a bicycle being ridden in an endless circle while trying to get the egg to hatch.”
Pokémon trainers across the region were outraged by the decision.
“It’s absolutely absurd. You can’t even nickname eggs,” said Ethan, Johto’s reigning champion. “You can’t battle with them. They can’t hold items. You can’t even give them a nickname. I’ll believe that eggs are Pokémon when you can show me the Pokédex entry for ‘Egg.’ Pretending that a clump of cells next to a yolk is a living being, imbued with a soul, or sentience, or whatever you call it, is an insult to intelligent life everywhere.”
A Pokémon breeder, who asked to be identified only as “Day-Care Man” out of fear of prosecution, expressed concern that the ruling could put him out of business.
“Everybody knows what Pokémon get up to when they’re at the day-care,” said the Day-Care Man, who works alongside his wife. “That’s the entire point, right? You drop off your monsters, and they get busy. If it all goes well, I’ll have a little present to give you. What a lot of people don’t understand is that it doesn’t always go well. Eggs are fragile, and Pokémon are rowdy. We have our fair share of breakage. If the state now considers that murder, then I don’t see how we can continue to operate. I’ve heard there’s a day-care in Kanto that manages to stop their Pokémon from coupling, but they don’t do much business, if you understand me.”
At press time, liberal political parties in several regions were campaigning on promises of overturning the ruling through legislation, despite the fact that they have refused to do exactly that for fifty years.