Opinion: The Only Way to Stop the Killings Is to Feed Our Children to the Evil Creature in the Sewers
Derry can little afford to be concerned with "right" or "wrong" when a clown is eating our kids
By now, we’re all familiar with the sinister entity lurking in the tunnels and sewers beneath Derry. Hell, we’re all living in terror of it, even if no one wants to talk about it. It’s the blood-soaked, razor-toothed elephant in the room. Everyone wants to pretend that if we ignore it, it will just go away.
And hey, history actually backs that up. A quick trip to the reference desk at the library and you’ll be well on your way to learning that this spate of deaths is nothing new. This monster has returned to our town time after time, and it always goes away again after a while. It seems that it eventually gets its fill and goes back to sleep, but that’s exactly the problem: eventually.
Why should we sit around and wait for the demon to tire itself out? That could take months, or even years. Frankly, I don’t have the time or patience for that. I’d like to walk by a storm drain without sweating through my shirt some time in the near future. That goal isn’t as unlikely as it seems, so long as we’re all willing to make a few sacrifices.
I’m not saying that you or I should give ourselves up to this creature. I’m simply saying that maybe, just maybe, it would be better if we didn’t let the evil monster decide who it gets to kill. We could speedrun the slaughter and clean up the town in one fell swoop if we’re willing to be pragmatic. We should — nay, must — serve up our worst children to this entity before it devours our best.
It won’t be easy, but sometimes you just have to eat your vegetables. The greater good of Derry is more important than that little shitstain who throws my paper in the bushes every morning. It’s not like we’ll miss them; there’ll still be plenty of little screw-ups in town even after the beast is sated. It’s like this town is full of rotten eggs, and I think it’s high time we fed them to the malignant lifeform stalking our sewage system. Heck, maybe they’d give it food poisoning.