Samwise Gamgee Convicted of Dropping Eaves
Conviction takes hobbit farthest away from freedom he's ever been
HOBBITON — Local gardener Samwise Gamgee was convicted for unlawful trespassing and observing private conduct without consent after being accused of eavesdropping on a conversation between Frodo Baggins and wandering magician Gandalf.
“We’re a very private folk, and our laws on this are clear,” said Will Whitfoot, Mayor of Michel Delving, in a press conference after the ruling. “Sure, Mr. Baggins’s cousin and predecessor at Bag End may have been a bit eccentric, and he was hosting that troublesome wizard at the time, but that’s no excuse for spying. Especially with all of the strange folk that have been abroad of late, we must stick to our traditions. Samwise is a gardener, and Mr. Baggins, a gentleman. If we don’t make sure that servants know their place, we’ll be no better than our kin in Bree.”
Gamgee maintained his innocence, saying that his presence on the property was permitted due to his role as Mr. Baggins’ gardener.
“As I’ve said all along, I was just cutting the grass under the window,” said Gamgee. “Some might say that it was a little late for trimming the verge, but that’s just the life of a landscaper. I’m sure if I didn’t get to it that day, I’d hear no end of complaints from Mr. Frodo about how sloppy the lawn looked. I tell him that I’ve got other clients, and everybody wants a neat lawn, but he won’t hear it. I do the work when I can because I’m working all by myself. My old Gaffer is too old to share the load, these days.”
Grey wizard Gandalf commented on the matter.
“Deserves it! I daresay he does,” said Gandalf, who said he no longer felt safe, even in the Shire. “Some may say that to punish a hobbit for so minor a trespass is folly, but that is not so. It is wisdom to recognize necessity, when all other courses have been weighed, though as folly it may appear to those who cling to false hope. And keeping things secret and safe is a necessity in this age.”
At press time, Gamgee was sentenced to be turned into something unnatural.