Struggling Rodimus Lists Self as Airbnb
Disgraced Autobot leader reportedly hoping to attract human or Mini-Con tenants
AUTOBOT CITY — Former Autobot leader Rodimus, also known as Hot Rod, has listed his trailer component as a rental property on the online hospitality marketplace Airbnb, vacationing sources confirmed.
“Hey, man, it’s basically like having a temporary roommate,” said Rodimus, who claimed that the decision had nothing to do with his recent divorce. “Think of the best times in your life: when you were young, when none of life’s bullshit had caught up to you. You weren’t living alone. Come on, brother, it can’t be a party house unless you’ve got a couple of certified dudes under your roof. If you’re getting high on your couch every day by yourself, that’s sad. If you’ve got a bud with you, that’s just a good time.”
Rodimus’ friends noted that while they were saddened by his circumstances, they understood there was nothing more that they could do.
“I used to look up to him when I was a kid,” said Daniel Witwicky, human ally to the Autobots. “It feels kind of pathetic now, but he seemed cool back then. I don’t know exactly when things went wrong, but I think he’s beyond saving. A few months ago, I paid him a visit to see if I could set him straight. He tried to sell me an obviously counterfeit Autobot Matrix of Leadership. I couldn’t tell if he thought I was stupid or if he forgot that I knew that Optimus had taken the real one back from him. I hope he finds his way, but I can’t waste any more time or energy helping him do it.”
Optimus Prime, Rodimus’ predecessor and successor as leader of the Autobots, said that he felt partially responsible for the younger robot’s struggles.
“It couldn’t have been easy, trying to fill my shoes,” said the venerable Prime. “Especially since he was partly responsible for my death in the first place. And of course, just as he might have been finding his confidence, I came back to life and reclaimed my title. I’m not saying it was the wrong thing to do, it just can’t be easy to see everyone being really happy and excited that you lost your job. Still, I wouldn’t recommend his Airbnb to anyone.”
At the time of publication, Rodimus had reportedly signed up for Vrbo after being banned from Airbnb for undisclosed reasons.