Tom Bombadil Feigns Enthusiasm for Gift of Red Boots

Fay figure claims they would clash with his bright blue jacket

OLD FOREST — Local demigod Tom Bombadil tried desperately to mask his disappointment upon receiving a pair of red boots as a gift from his aunt, multiple trees and woodland creatures confirmed.

“You know Tom, always going on about those boots of his,” said Ethyl, the enigmatic forest imp’s aunt. “He talks about his outfits all the time. He’s a bit of a fashionista, you know. I saw these in the shoe aisle at Kohl’s and I thought, ‘You know, I’ve never seen Tom in a pair of red boots. He could really use these.’ Even better, they were on sale. I said, ‘I’ll pick these up for his birthday!’ After all, it was only a few months away at the time.”

After his aunt had departed, Tom confided to confidantes that he was not especially pleased with the gift.

“Sure, I talk about my boots sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only kind of gift I want,” said Bombadil. “Every birthday and holiday, it’s just more boots. Honestly, it’s probably the worst gift you could get me. If they actually listened to my little songs, they would understand that I’m referring to one, specific pair of boots. They’re not red, or brown, or black. They’re yellow. Tom Bombadil wears yellow boots. I don’t want to make it sound like it’s my whole thing, but it kind of is. If I’m expected to be a merry fellow, then my boots must be yellow.”

Bombadil’s wife Goldberry revealed to close friends that she had a hand in the selection of the recent gift.

“Sure, I told Ethyl she should get him the boots,” Goldberry reportedly said. “I didn’t necessarily suggest it in the first place, but of course I’m going to encourage it. People are always asking me if they should keep buying clothes for Tom, since he never actually wears the things they give him. They’ll ask if he might like a nice flute or a harp, as though I need to listen to that all day in addition to the singing. All I’m saying is that he really needs to update his look. I mean, a feather in his hat? What is this, the Second Age?”

At press time, Bombadil was reportedly seen begrudgingly opening his rhyming dictionary to the word, “red.”