Zordon Faces Grooming Allegations After Reportedly Offering Teens Morphing Powers
After accusations of inappropriate behavior, some are saying that the Power Rangers' mentor has to go, go
ANGEL GROVE, Calif. — Galactic wizard Zordon has been accused of inappropriate behavior towards minors after offering them extraordinary powers beyond human comprehension, sources within the Morphin Grid have confirmed.
“I saw the whole thing. He specifically directed me to summon, ‘teenagers with attitude,’” said one witness, who wished to remain anonymous. “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi! I’m ashamed to admit that I complied with the order. Once these impressionable youths were in front of him, he told them that they had been selected to be part of an elite team because they were so special and cool. He kept love-bombing them and telling them that he would grant them incredible powers. They fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I wanted to scream, ‘Danger! Danger!’ but I just stood there, like the coward I am.”
One of the affected teenagers says he still doesn’t think Zordon did anything wrong.
“I don’t get it. Zordon is so cool,” said Jason Lee Scott. “No other adult has ever taken an interest in my passion for martial arts. They just ignore me. My parents wouldn’t even get me a car for my birthday, but Zordon? He gave me a giant robot Tyrannosaurus. Plus, he says I’m really mature for my age. That’s why he lets me borrow his old records and made me the leader of the Power Rangers. Someone tried to warn me that he’ll get bored of me and replace me some day, but that’s not going to happen. We have a connection that no one else could possibly understand.”
Zordon addressed the accusations directly, saying that his actions have been presented without the necessary context.
“I don’t know why I said the ‘teenager’ part. I was really more concerned with the part about ‘attitude,’” said Zordon. “I guess maybe I just don’t see myself as an adult. I’m young at heart, you know? I just have an easier time relating to younger people. But I really would never do anything inappropriate with these kids. They’re like, I don’t know, cousins or neighbors to me. Like, I don’t think of them that way. We’re all just really good friends who are banding together to save the earth. Why does that have to be something bad? Come on, I live in a glass tube. What could I even do?”
At press time, photographs emerged appearing to show Zordon associating with known child predator Ivan Ooze.